On Polite Speech in LGBTQ+ Advocacy Spaces
Hello there! How are you doing? That’s fantastic! Would you like to learn about how to interact with people in a more engaging way? “Polite speech,” as it is called, is a means of communication by which use of rhetorical questioning can imply a sense of comradery with the audience, regardless of whether or not the audience is genuinely responding. While it may seem trivial, polite speech like this is incredibly useful to LGBTQ+ social justice spaces in order to maintain a more compassionate sense of community.
Through encounters with support organizations and online social justice, it is quickly apparent how imperative it is that polite speech be utilized in advocacy. For example, popular video essayist from everydayfeminism.com, Riley Jay Dennis, will often use polite speech as a means of connecting with her audience. Her cheery tone and style of talking directly talking to her audience allows those who are unfamiliar with her advocacy to connect with her on a human level. Much of her first-time audience may be on the fence about whether or not they understand her arguments about LGBTQ+ right, but she maintains a positive tone and engages with them through polite speech in order to make herself come across as more agreeable. Polite speech, in this context, is a powerful tool to convince those not actively against you to join your side.
On the contrary, support groups which avoid polite speech often come across as overly corporate and uninviting. In one case, during a visit to the LGBTQ+ center in [redacted], Michigan, there was a noticeably formal tone in the main lobby. This created a tenser, more withdrawn tone for people unfamiliar with the work the center does. This can be especially harmful when considering that many newcomers to the center may be desperately looking for an LGBTQ+ safe haven to call their own. This tone that is established by the lack of polite speech communicates that the group is a big scary nonprofit with things they need to do on a larger scale. This tone could easily deter someone from accepting their help. Alternatively, when entering various subgroups within the LGBTQ+ center, there’s a clear change in tone. It is much more personable and welcoming. A major part in conveying this new tone is the polite speech being used. Simply greeting someone with a “Hello there, how are you?” communicates that rather than communicating with members or representatives of a nonprofit, you are communicating with a human who sees you as just another human. This increases the amount of support and empathy one may feel when interacting with their groups.
Many would argue that polite speech makes the tone too casual when instead people should focus on strict and formal advocacy. The issue with this mindset is that it presumes social justice is something relegated to video essays and nonprofits. In reality, it often is an everyday thing. For example, if you overhear someone in public space say “people need to stop forcing homosexuality on children,” which of the following approaches seems like a more helpful approach to informing a person why what they said was harmful? Either “that’s homophobic” or “Excuse me, I don’t mean to intrude on your conversation, but it may be a bit homophobic to try to claim that people are forcing their kids to be gay. Nobody tells parents to stop forcing their kids to be straight. Just because a parent is more accepting of their child’s orientation, that does not mean that they are forcing anything onto the child.” When encountering everyday oppression, often polite speech is the best way to go to ensure that the person advocating isn’t being perceived as simply barking orders at innocent people. Instead, a calm and educating tone can be created by use of polite speech.
All in all, polite speech serves to make formal advocacy casual for those engaging in LGBTQ+ social justice. It draws those unfamiliar with advocacy into learning more and allows LGBTQ+ people who are searching for a community to call their own to engage with one comfortably. Polite speech is, and always will be, a useful tool to create a welcoming and nurturing social justice community.
